Hey everyone it’s Renée Yvonne that Gen Sexologist. And today I want to talk a little bit about why you would work with a sex therapist or a sex coach or counselor. Sometimes people think, you know what? I got this and my partner and I will just figure it out somehow. Magically, this will all come together, right? And we know that’s often not the case, and sometimes you just need some help. Sometimes you need some new ideas. Sometimes you need to talk it out in front of someone who is impartial and can just hear you out and help you discover what it is that you want. Or there may be bigger issues that are happening down the road and you need some help just discussing those issues. So I want to share with you some ways, and when, you can work with a sex coach like myself, or work with someone else who is a certified sex coach.

So one of the reasons you might do this is when there is low or mismatch sexual desire. Often in couples or in a couple, there is one person who has a relatively high sex drive or what one person thinks is a high sex drive. And the other person who was kind of like, you know about it, they might really enjoy it, or they could take it or leave it. It doesn’t seem to matter. And the person who enjoys it, the least or wants to do it, the least is the person who often drives the relationship and how much sex that they have. So coming in to talk about that can be a way to help kind of level the playing field, to find out what’s going on. Why does one partner want it more than the other? What’s really happening? And this is a good time to talk about that and figure out what’s going on.

Number two, maybe you never talk about sex at all. You just assume that sex is going to be amazing all the time, or it’s just never going to happen. And you’ve just sort of settled into this place of this is just how it is. So if you feel like you’re someone who needs to talk about sex, this is a great time to work with a sex coach. And if you’re having trouble talking about sex, I’m going to put a link below. I have a PDF that you can get and download. And it’s all about how to talk to your partner without making them feel bad or anything like that. And you can have this five ways to do that. And you can discuss that.

Number three, you’re not sure how to talk about sex, but it is a little bit of a difference now before it was like, we never talk about it, but in this case it maybe, we talk about it. But then we get into an argument because they wanted more than I do when you’re kind of going back and forth and back and forth. So this is a great way to get together with someone who’s impartial. And then talk about what it is that you need without having the argument. Because the two of you are going to come together and discuss what the needs are.

Number four, you’ve tried couples therapy and you feel stuck. So a lot of couples therapists are not trained as sex therapists or sex coaches at all. They’re really trained in the communication of the couple. They’re also not there to make sure that your relationship works, in case didn’t know that. They’re there to see what the two people are doing. And then you two decide if the relationship is going to go forward or not. A sex coach though is going to work with specific sexual issues. So for instance, maybe you two are coming in because one of you is going through a medical condition, maybe hypertension or diabetes, and it’s changed your sex drive. Maybe you’re taking a medication and that is changing your sex drive and a sex coach can help you come up with different techniques to still maintain your sexual relationship and your overall relationship, which is something that your therapist or your, your couple’s counselor may not recommend or they don’t know about.

Number five. You aren’t sure how to ask for what you want. So here’s a extreme example. Maybe you’re in a couple and you really want to open this relationship up. You’re not bored. You don’t love them any less, but you want some variety and you have kind of known that about yourself, but you’ve been trying to fit yourself into the world that they decided. So that’s happening and you look up and you think, I don’t know how to bring up to my partner, that I really want to open this relationship up. A sex coach and can help you talk about that and help you come up with ground rules. And if your partner is just objecting to it, here’s a chance for you two to talk and figure out what is the next step. Because if you know, it’s something you need and your partner is really opposed to it, can you go forth? Could you put that aside or will you say I can’t go on like this and we need to do something different. I’ve got to have more variety and you can do that with a sex coach.

You’re in a rut. You just need some new ideas. Here’s a great chance to talk to a sex coach, not just new positions, but you just need new ideas. Sometimes we need to expand our idea of what sex is. And definitely as we get older, we need to do that because sometimes things just don’t function the way they did when we were 20 and 25. That’s just real. And so here’s an opportunity for you to expand your definition of sex and what it means. Maybe it means heavy petting. Maybe it means a lot of foreplay. Maybe it means more oral sex. Maybe it means penetration with a toy. The list is endless. So thinking about that, this is a great way to get out of that rut and expand your, your definition of what sex is.

Experiencing orgasm is the next one. So let’s say you’re having sex. And this is something that I’m just going to put out here for our, definitely our heterosexual couples that oftentimes I’ll hear men say that their partner doesn’t want to have sex with them. And when I talk to the partner, their female partners, she’s like, I never come. And so it’s one of those things where like, seriously guys, if you weren’t coming, would you have sex or want to have sex a lot. So for women, it’s like, it takes so long sometimes for us to get up the libido to just want to have sex. And then when we get there, it’s over like a few minutes and we didn’t come. No one’s signing up to do that multiple times. We’re just not. That’s like I could be doing something else for real.

And so thinking about that and talking with a sex coach can help you figure out why you’re not orgasming. Do you need more G-spot stimulation? Do you need more clitoral stimulation? Do you need to try out one of the new erogenous zones? I just did a video on that last week. So I hope you check that out about the 13 different erogenous zones that you could check out that you’re probably not doing anything with it. And so maybe these things can help you to experience an orgasm and experience more pleasure schedules. Maybe you just have different schedules. One of you works at night. One of you works in the morning. How can you blend that together to make sure that you are having quality time together and great sex together? So it may be that you have to schedule sex on one day a week, but you know, it’s coming and you know, what’s going to happen.

Maybe you’re in a sexless relationship. And this is painful for a lot of people for both parties, actually. And we may not realize that both parties are suffering. One person may really want to have sex, but they just can’t. For some reason, it could be medical. It could be physical. It could be just, there’s no desire, but it doesn’t mean they don’t desire you. And they struggle because they know they’re hurting you. And then on the flip side, there’s the person who really wants it. And they’re frustrated because their partner doesn’t want to have sex with them. This is a perfect time to talk with a sex coach because we can help you to get past that hurdle and to figure out what the next steps are. And to begin talking about it again, I have a download on what to do when you’re in a sexless relationship to help you out with that,

Perhaps you were having a life change of some sort you’re going through menopause. Someone in your family just died. Maybe you lost your job. All of these things can hinder the sexuality that you’re having, the sex that you’re having, and it can hinder how you have sex with your partner and how you relate to them. Great time to talk to a sex coach and help you get past that.

You could be questioning your sexuality. And this is something that a lot of people probably don’t even think about. So I think for, especially this group, the 40 plus to 65-year-old, we kind of grew up in an era where

Whatever you were born is, is what you are. Right? And now we’re realizing we’re seeing millennials and the generation behind them, gen Z, that, that they are very free and they’re very open and, and people are they’re and they are identifying as female or male or non-binary. We see all of that. Right? And so it’s coming out and maybe what’s happening for you is you’re realizing that maybe you just don’t identify as a male or female anymore, or maybe you’re realizing that you’ve always liked. You’re the same gender as you are. And you’ve never been free to express that until now. And now it feels like a safe time, except you’re in a couple, you’re in a heterosexual couple, and you don’t know how to tell your partner that. So this is again, a time to come to a sex coach and talk about that, get that out and figure out what the next steps are.

You never know your partner may say, you know what? I understand that you are a woman that you want to become a man, or you’re a man. You want to become a woman. And you say I love you. I love you. No matter what, you may also find that, that your partner is like, no, not doing it. And you got to go. I don’t know. And that’s what most people are afraid of. Right? But you need to get that out as opposed to living in that fear, that you’re never going to be accepted. And then you can be free to love someone who loves you back. So if you feel like you’re going through some type of your questioning and you’re going through a light chase like that, definitely sit down with a sex coach and let them help you with coming out, talking about it with your partner.

And then with the next steps will be, and last but not least our intimacy issues. Sometimes we’re just having trouble connecting with our partner. Maybe we feel like they don’t listen to us. They don’t hear us. They don’t understand who we are. And we just can’t seem to get close. Like you can get physically close, but you don’t feel like they really get you. And this is a chance to come in and talk with the sex coaches say, you know what? I love this person, but they don’t understand me They just are not getting me or I’m just not getting them. I don’t know what they need. I keep doing these things. And nothing seems to work. This is an opportunity for you to come in and sit down, talk with a sex coach and say, this is what’s happening. How can we fix this? Because I want to be with this person.

I want to be closer to them, but I don’t know how. And you may find that your partner doesn’t want to be closer again. It’s good to know this, right? Because then you can move forward and say, well, I want somebody that wants to do this, right? Or they may say, I had no idea. You felt that way. I don’t know how to get closer, but that, you know, our coach here can help us work through this and help us become closer. And we’ll have the practice like the coach. Isn’t going to fix it, right? You don’t come to a sex coach. And the coach goes, everything you want is done. We go, no, they’re going to give you suggestions. You go home, you practice it. And you’re going to have to practice it over and over and over again. Sometimes until you feel like I’ve got this down, or my partner and I are doing better, it’s probably never going to be perfect because perfection doesn’t exist, but you can get it better than it was talking more than you ever have to be closer than you’ve ever been.

So I hope this helps give you some reasons why you might want to schedule an appointment with a sex coach, either myself or someone else, because these are the kinds of things that help build strong relationships and help people to live their full sexual lives. Especially as we get older, because you want to have a vibrant sex life. You have a vibrant life, but you also want to have a vibrant sex life too, as you get older. So if you have any questions, please feel free to ask or put your comments below on some of the things you think you and your partner need to work on. My name is Renee Yvonne, the Gen Sexologist, and you can find me at www.thegensexologist.com. I look forward to seeing you next time.


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