Hi everyone. It’s Renee Yvonne, The Gen Sexologist. And I’m coming to you today. I wanna talk about a little bit about kink and shame, and then I wanna end with giving you four things you can do to add to your relationship, to spice it up a little bit and make it a little bit more exciting. So I don’t know if you’ve seen this show killing Eve. I’ve only seen the first season. So I don’t, I can only go with this, but this got me to thinking about why I need to do this video today. So I was watching Killing Eve and there is a show. There’s an episode where there is an Asian businessman who likes to go to this place and he gets some kind of electro stimulation done to his genitals on a fairly regular basis. And the assassin is there that day.

She replaces, whoever is usually there doing the procedure to him. And so this particular time he goes in and he goes into to to get the electro stimulation. And he ends up dead when even her partners show up. I’m sorry when Sandra Oh’s character and her partners show up, I don’t know who he is, his boss or some, you know, at the diplomat shows up and says to them, “he died of a heart attack.” And Sandra Oh and her partner both know that he died from electrostimulation at this place. And so they tell him that and he says, again, “he died of a heart attack.” And it got me to thinking about how much shame there is around sex in general, but around sex in particular so much so that we are lying about what this man was doing.

Like he was just sitting on a train, going to work and had a heart attack. When in reality he was killed number one, but he was also in a place where he was being pleasured with that being said, I wanted to define what is kink because I think when we think of we do think these really like out there kind of things about kink. It’s like, oh, we have to be tied up to something on a wheel. And, you know, there has to be you know, chains and whips and flogging and all of these things happening. And that’s not necessarily true. Kink is really just the things that are taboo. So something may be to you. That’s not to someone else. Some people’s kink is doggy style and other people’s kink might be being whipped with a paddle or being whipped with a flagger, right?

So everybody’s kink is very different, but it’s usually just outside of what they would consider vanilla sex. So I wanna share with you four things, you can do that aren’t completely out there, but will help you to add some excitement and make the sex a little hotter. So the first one I’m gonna talk about is restraints. So you can decide to get something like handcuffs. These are furry handcuffs, which are, are nice. So they’re comfortable when you’re wearing them or you can get ankle restraint, or you could just use something in your house, like a tie or scarf. And this is really nice because the person being restrained can’t use that part of their body, right? And so they’re just gonna be pleasured by you or vice versa. And what makes this really cool and different from just regular vanilla sex is the fact that you can’t use your hands or your feet or whatever that you’re restrained in some way.

And this means you have to receive and enjoy it, or, you know, maybe, you know, whatever is happening. You have to just kind of lay back and take it as the submissive person. But also as the giver, it’s an opportunity for you to really give, and they’re not interfering with you. You can just really let go and do whatever it is you’re gonna do. So consider some type of restraint on the hands or the feet or ankles. Should I say their ankles?

The second one that you can try out is a paddle. So this paddle has brocade, I think, is the fabric. My mom sews. And I still don’t know what kind of fabric this is, which is really sad. Right. But I know this is fur, so I’m doing pretty good. <Laugh> so this is fur on the other side. And with this, this is called impact play. And some people do this with their hand, which you can certainly do. You could just like smack your partner on the butt, or you could take a paddle that’s a little softer. And then you could use this kind of anywhere that think that they might enjoy this for some people. This is super exciting for other people. This is like, that really hurts. So checking in with your partner is really important, but even if you, even if they don’t like the impact play, because this is soft on this side, you could even just use it just to rub on their bottom or on some other part of their, your body without having to really hit them. Or you could just hit lighter. Like they might like a lighter touch, but not so much like a, a real hard smack. Okay. So that’s impact play.

The third one I wanna share with you is temperature play. And one of the things that I really like this is a candle by a company called Jimmy Jane. They don’t make this scent anymore. And I’m so sad about it. And I almost don’t wanna use the candle. Cause once this burns out, I won’t have it anymore, but it’s vanilla sandalwood. It is intoxicatingly amazing. And so, but these are really nice because they burn at a lower temperature than a regular candle. So you don’t wanna use a regular candle to do temperature and wax play. So what happens is you, this heats up, it melts a little bit, and then you can pour it into this massage stone. If you like, you could pour directly onto your partner’s body and then massage it in. And so what’s nice about this is again, the temperature play is in place where they have something that’s, you know, relatively warm going onto their body and then having it massaged in and this, it just smells so good. So this is one that you can use as well.

And then last but not least, I wanna share body paint and you can use chocolate syrup. If you want, if you like maple syrup or strawberry syrup, you can use something like that. This particular one comes with a brush. And so what you can do is paint on your partner’s body. You can even use restraints if you like to restrain them while you just create your artistic master on their body. And then you could just lick it off of them. And so this is a great thing to try if you wanna get into something as well, because it incorporates a lot of your senses of smell and taste and also sight because you’re painting. So these are four ways that you can bring a little kink into the bedroom without feeling like you have to go way out there and do something that’s may seem really out of your comfort zone.

These are things that you probably have in your house or easy to get and can introduce you into kink. And then you can, once you feel comfortable with that, you can start playing with some other things like you might wanna play with textures after awhile. So you might have fur, you might have something like this kind of fur with this kind of flogger, or you may wanna use something that has chains on the end of it like this. And so you can start playing with different things and bringing different elements into your sex play. And this helps to make sex fun. It helps to bring the play back into sex. So it’s not as serious, but also what it does is helps you to, it puts some new tools in your toolbox so that you aren’t doing the same old thing every time that you sleep with your partner.

Okay? So with that being said, I want to one invite you to subscribe to my YouTube channel, which is something I have not done. And I cannot believe I haven’t been telling you to do this. So subscribe to my YouTube channel. The second thing is, if you have questions about your relationship and sex and how to get going, especially if you are a Gen Xer and you’re kind of in this slump and like, I need to get outta this or learn a new skill, feel free to fill out my form down below so that you can we can set up, what’s called a, what I call a Hot Sex Huddle. And it’s 15 to 20 minutes of us talking about what’s going on in your relationship and what I can, what I have and what services I offer to help you have a more luscious sex life, because isn’t that what we all want? Okay. That’s what I want!

Anyway. So with that being said, I want you to have an amazing pleasure-filled weekend and I’ll see you next week. Bye.

Things I mentioned in this video:

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Chain flogger

Body Paint

Massage candle