Hey everyone. It’s Renee Yvonne, The Gen Sexologist. And you know what, it’s August. And I know we’re in the middle of it, but August is Anal Awareness Month. I bet you didn’t know that. I just found out. So that’s why I’m excited to share some things with you. So one of the things I learned during the pandemic from a colleague of mine that owns an adult store here in DC, is that during the pandemic, she was surprised by how many people were looking for, butt stuff, as she calls it, people wanting to put things in the butt. She was really shocked by that. So I, you know, I was, I was surprised by it as well. I think it’s just because during a pandemic we’re stuck in the house. We didn’t have anywhere to go. You were with your partner and this was the opportunity to try some things that maybe you hadn’t tried before because you had the opportunity to do it, right?

So I want to talk a little bit about anal sex and anal health. And if it’s something that you do want to try, I want to debunk some myths before you get into it, because there’s a lot of anxiety and fear and phobias around the butt for some reason. So I want to talk about that this week in the podcast and in the blog. So let’s get started.

The first myth I want to debunk is that anal sex is only for gay men. So one of the things that I learned is that from a research study that I came across that 39% of gay men have orals have anal sex. Only 39%. That means the other 61% are not having it. This has always puzzled me. Why anal sex is considered gay. Since the majority of gay men are not having anal sex, they’re having oral sex, but we never consider oral sex as a gay act. That’s always been confusing to me why we think that way. So in knowing that I want to debunk that myth, that it’s not just for gay men and that more than half of gay men are not having anal sex at all. So let’s just get rid of that. If you are with a partner who is the opposite sex of you, if you’re a man with a woman and you’re putting something in the other person’s anus, neither of you is gay because you are with someone of the opposite gender. Not sure why I have to say that so many times in my life, but I’ve said it a lot. So I just want to say that one more time for people and anal sex is not just for gay men.

The second one I like to debunk is if you like anal sex as a man, then you must mean you’re gay. So I’ve seen this in a lot of groups too. I just said anal sex isn’t just for gay men, but I’ve seen in a lot of groups too, where women will say if a guy likes something in his anus, that must make him gay. I don’t know why that is. The anus has a lot of nerve in these and maybe it just feels good. Simple as that. So if you are a man and you want to try an anal butt plug, or you want to be pegged or anything like that by a woman that doesn’t make you gay. It makes you someone who has added something new to your toolbox and that you enjoy anal play. That’s all that means.

The next myth I’d like to debunk is all women like anal sex. This is not necessarily true. I’m not even sure where that myth came from, but oftentimes a guy thinks that a woman will like anal sex and that some love it a lot in it. All women love that. And that’s just simply not true, just like many men, like all men don’t like anal sex also. Is it true? There are men who like it, there are women who like it, and there are men who don’t like it. And there’s women who don’t like it because that’s just how life works.

The other one is that anal sex is dirty. So I’ll just say this anal sex could be dirty. If you haven’t cleaned yourself, but typically just taking a shower or bath a cleaning your body the way you should be doing on a daily basis. Anyway, isn’t enough. So if you know, you’re going to engage in anal play, you can certainly take a shower, clean yourself, and then you’re ready for anal play. If you are really cautious about it, which you could also do is buy a bulb syringe and you can do an enema and it’ll clean out any fecal matter so that you’re not worried about anything like that.

Another myth about anal sex is that it has to be something big going into the anus and why? So, but what you do want is something that is tapered at the end. You want to make sure that anything you put in your anus has a flared bottom. Because as we say in sex coaching, that I learned, the vagina is a cul-de-sac, but the anus is a highway. So the anus leaves it to the intestines. And so you can put something in there and it will get lost. You put something in the vagina, it will come out. So you want to make sure if you put anything in the anus that it has a flare, any, so it doesn’t get lost or trapped in there. And then you have a trip to the emergency room and no one’s having a good night.

Another myth I’d like to debunk is about anal sex hurts. Now it, it could be uncomfortable. I will say that. And yes, it can hurt depending on how someone is entering inside of you. What you do need to know about the anus is that the anus is not self-lubricating like the vagina. So the vagina does self lubricate. You get, you know, hot and bothered and, you know, boom, there’s lubrication. Hopefully in most cases, the anus doesn’t work like this. So you will need to use lube. If you’re not using lube, there’s a lot of friction. It doesn’t feel good. And yes, that can’t hurt. So in order to keep the anus from hurting, you want to make sure that you are using a lot of lube. I’m going to say those are some of the myths about anal sex that I wanted to address it. These things are not true. There is a way to handle anal sex and make it enjoyable for everyone that’s involved.

And also with anal play, I’ll just say anal play in general. It doesn’t necessarily mean that anything has to go into the anus. It could be that you are just running your finger around the anus. Again, there’s a lot of nerve endings there. It could mean that you’re using a toy in that area. That’s not inserted, but maybe it’s just near that opening, maybe something that vibrates and that again, feels good to, you could feel good to your partner. It could be that you’re looking around that area again, not inserting anything, but just playing in that area or you don’t have to do anything there. And remember this, anything that happens in sex doesn’t mean you have to do it for life. You could try something out and go, “yup. I don’t ever want to do that again.” But you can also do some things and go, “wow! If I had never done that, I never would’ve known how good that felt.” So play and explore like, like children, do you see how they, they just kinda go out and they play and they see what’s going on. And you know, they get hurt. They get up, you put a bandaid on, they move on. If they really get hurt, they don’t do it again. But you don’t have to feel like because you tried something sexually that you have to do it for life. You absolutely don’t. You can do something, not do it again. You can do some things, do it all the time. You could do some things, do it sometimes because you’re an adult. And that’s what, this is all about. Exploration, having fun, being playful and enjoying the time with yourself or your partner or partners.

So if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at renee@thegensexologist.com. Don’t forget to subscribe and I’ll see you next week.