Hello everyone. It’s Renee Yvonne, The Gen Sexologist. And today I wanna talk a little bit about what makes a good lover, you know, as we get older, we may be thinking differently about what makes a good lover. Like in our younger years, it may have been how long we could of sex, or it could be the, you know, it could feel like the length of your penis or how wet you get all of these physical things. We tend to put a lot of emphasis on when it comes to being a good lover, some technique that you learn, you got this hip swirl thing that you do whatever, but as we get older, we may find that there are different characteristics that make you a good lover. And one of the ones that I wanna talk about today is being present, being present in a sexual session with your partner or partners means that you are focused on what’s going on. in that moment, you’re not there thinking I’ve gotta do my taxes. I left dishes in the sink. Oh my God, there’s a pile of laundry on the floor. Now I know this can be very challenging for some people because they’re in their head a lot. They’re worried about the little pocket of fat in their stomach or is my butt jiggling too much, or, or, you know, something else physical. Do I have wrinkles? Is he looking at my neck? You know, you may be looking, thinking about all of these things, which all take you out of the moment of enjoying the sexual pleasure with that person. And so one of the things that helps you to become a better lover is to be present in the moment. One of the ways to do that is through breathing.

And this may sound like when Renee, of course I’m breathing, I’m having sex. So, if I’m, I’ve gotta be breathing, but this is a very purposeful, mindful breathing. And sometimes what you, what you can do when you feel like my mind is going in, all these directions is to stop and really focus on your breath and really focus on the pleasure that you’re receiving or giving in that moment. And nothing else, you know what? You’re already naked. So he already knows what you look like. You’re already naked. She already knows what you look like. And so if there’s anything else going on, she’s still there. He’s still there. He didn’t get up and leave. You could take your mind off of all of those other things that are going on with, you know, how does my body look and am I in the right position? And should I lay my head back and all this other stuff, you can also stop worrying about your taxes and your dishes and whatever else you didn’t get done.

Cuz guess what?

When you finish those dishes will still be there. The taxes will still need to be done. I’ll still have to take the garbage out. It’ll all be there. No one’s gonna do it. So you may as well stop worrying about it and worry about what’s happening in the moment. And so one of the things you can do is to stop close your eyes and just take a breath, focus on whatever pleasure you’re receiving or whatever pleasure you’re giving your partner and nothing else. And this helps you to stay present and in the moment and enjoy the sexual encounter that you’re having with your partner, instead of worrying about something else that’s going on, that either you can do later, or you can’t do anything about right now anyway, okay.

So those are the things that make you a better lover, make you more attentive. Your partner will appreciate it because they’ll notice that you are paying more attention to them. You’re paying attention to if they, you know, if they kind of scrunch up like this, like, oh, okay, maybe that didn’t feel good. Or maybe they shiver a little bit. Maybe they need more blankets or maybe they’re sweating and they need to take some blankets off or whatever. You’re paying more attention to their body’s responses and more attention to your responses. And you can react accordingly, which again makes you a better lover. So present being present is one of the things to help you to be a better lover, especially in 2022.

I’m Renee Yvonne, the Gen Sexologist. And if you like to send question, because you wanna know more about something, about sexuality as we age, hormone changes or anything like that, please fill in your name below. Or if you’d like to do a discovery call with me and find out more about how you can work with me as a sex coach, I’d be happy to do that again. You can fill out the form below and in the meantime, I’ll see you next week. I hope you have a pleasure-filled week. Bye.