And it’s Renee Yvonne, The Gen Sexologist and today I want to talk to you about five myths that have been going around about sex and sexuality that just simply aren’t true. So this comes from, if you’ve been, been on Facebook or any social media for a while, you will see a lot of interesting things floating around, not just sex, but a lot of myths that are just floating around and make you go, “hmm. I wonder where they got that from and who taught them that little bit of information that is just completely wrong and erroneous?” And so I want to talk about these five today because sexually speaking, they just are wrong. And I want to just clear that up so that people have a better understanding of sex and sexuality.
So the first one is sex equals penetration. Now, probably throughout your whole life. If you took any type of sex education, you learn that sex was all about penetration. And you may have, even if you grew up in a purity culture or religious environment, you probably may have learned that this is definitely the way that babies are made. And so you may have tried to circumnavigate having sex by maybe having oral sex or outercourse or something else that didn’t seem anal sex. Even that didn’t seem like sex because you weren’t putting a penis inside of a vagina, but as we keep learning and growing, we found out that sex is a much broader phenomenon if you will. So it includes of course, intercourse, but it does include oral sex or anal sex. It can be kissing and petting. It can be a lot of different things. It can be foreplay as sensual massage and it can be kink and. And there are so many ways that you can express yourself by having sex that isn’t just penis in vagina sex.
And there’s a couple of reasons why that is one. This, this is, I want to bust this myth because as we get older, how we have sex may have to change. For instance, if you are having a difficult time having an erection, if sex is painful for you, if you have a vagina, you may have to redefine what sex looks like in your relationship. So it could be fingering. It could be using a toy. It could be just oral sex. It could be some type of central massage. And so by expanding that definition of sex, actually out into pleasure, how can my body be pleasured? You find that you can open up all new doors this way. So getting rid of the idea that sex has to be penetration can help you really expand your mind and the possibilities of how you can experience more pleasure sexually.
The second myth that I would like to destroy is that something is wrong with your genitals and that they aren’t normal. Now this came up again because there was, I see things online on social media, and sometimes you’ll see pictures of vulvas or you see pictures of penises and maybe they look very different from what yours looks like. Or maybe yours looks very different from what you see, particularly in porn, you look at porn and everyone’s vulva is shaved. It’s perfect. You know, that’s not how everything looks in real life. So whatever your genitals look like is normal for you, does that mean it looks normal in the sense of what it looks like in porn or someone else’s looks like it’s still normal for you. So I really want to get rid of this idea that something is wrong with you because your genitals don’t look the way they look in a particular magazine or a particular movie.
The third one that I’d like to bust is that toys desensitize you. This is one that also see a lot where a guy might say, oh, you know, the reason she can’t have an orgasm is because she’s using toys too much. And it’s, you know, she doesn’t, you know, no man can move at this speed that these toys can. So toys don’t desensitize, you, yes, you can get to a point where maybe you’ve used it too much and you just back off and you’ll go back to where it was. It’s not like it’s, it’s not a, it’s not a permanent state of desensitization. And when you think about it, that doesn’t make any sense. There are lots of things that we touch over and over and over again on our bodies that aren’t desensitized. So toys do not desensitize. You can you use them maybe too often?
Sure. And it does become a little bit more challenging, but that’s a muscle. That’s a muscle memory type of thing that happens is that we get used to something being a certain way. It’s not a desensitation, it’s just, I’ve gotten used to this. So if you’ve gotten used to using your finger to, or your hand to, then that’s, that’s what works for you. So when something else comes along, it may take a little bit longer to get used to that because that’s not what your body’s been used to receiving. So you don’t get desensitized. It’s just what your body is used to. And you can get it used to something else.
Number four, if you’re in a couple, you shouldn’t need toys. Now this is one that I’ve heard quite a bit from it’s particularly men who will say that, you know, oh no toys in the bedroom. We shouldn’t need that. I should be all she needs. Maybe, maybe not. There’s nothing wrong with having toys in the bedroom. If you watched any of my videos, you know, that I’m a huge fan of toys. And I think that they make, they, it’s just something more in the toolbox. It’s sort of like, I like to of it, that, that I, you know, do a lot of building of things. And I’d like to be handy in my mind, but I’m not. But as sort of like, if you have a toolbox and the only thing you have in your toolbox is an Allen wrench. You can’t do a whole lot of stuff. You can put some things together. Don’t get me wrong. You know, because many things are put together with Allen wrenches today, but you can’t do everything. You can’t build a house with an allen wrench. You can’t even screw in a different type of screw with an Allen wrench. So it’s very limiting. Bringing toys in, it’s just extra stuff in your toolbox. So you have, now you have, you know, a hammer, you’ve got a screwdriver, you’ve got an Allen wrench, you got a regular wrench. You’ve got all these other things that you can use to help do more stuff. And that’s just the point of toys. It doesn’t mean you have to use it every time you have an encounter, a sexual encounter with your partner. It just simply means that you’re adding in something different, different sensations, different techniques. You can use temperature play, you can use different vibrations, different textures. All of these things add so much variety and spice to our sex lives. And so just adding them in and it doesn’t have to be a toy, toy. Like you don’t have to always think of the toy as being like this person has a vibrator. You can have a “toy”, like a flogger. You can have a “toy”, like a paddle. It could be a glass dildo. You could have other things that don’t have vibrations to it that just add to the excitement and the pleasure that your partner can experience.
And then last but not least the fifth method that I would like to bust is you don’t need lube. Now, a lot of us, you know, depending on your age, you may say, “Hey, I get wet naturally. I don’t really need lube.” And that’s great if that happens, even if you do get wet and you think like, I don’t need lube, lube just helps to make everything more slippery. And again, if you’ve been watching my videos, you know, how much I love lube and talk about that. So using a water-based or a silicone based, or a coconut base, coconut oil based lube, all help to make things nice and slippery because sometimes you can get the mean that it stays wet forever and for hours and lube just helps to make things better.
Also flavored lube helps to just add some tastes. It’s a variety of things. Again, it’s just an extra thing in your toolbox to help make things a little more interesting in your sex play. So I’ve been through those five Myth Busters things that myths I like to bust, I’d say, and I hope that you will take some of these to heart and think about them and start to say, you know what? I’ve been believing this for a while, but maybe this just isn’t true. And now that you have a little bit more information, you can move forward in that, with that being said, I’d like to invite you to one, leave a comment. If you have one to two, a sign up for a consultation and talk about this, especially if this is something that’s going on with you and you and or you and your partner, and you like to get more help with it. I do do sex coaching with couples and with individuals. And I love to help you create the sex life that you really desire to have. So in the meantime, I’m Renee Yvonne and I will see you next week. Bye.