Hi, everyone It’s Renée Yvonne The Gen Sexologist. And this week I want to talk about something that couples bring up quite often. And that is desire that sometimes someone in the partnership will say, my partner just doesn’t seem to desire me anymore. And that MAY be true, but I want to talk about the fact that there are two different types of desires and maybe what’s happening is that your partner has a different type of desire than you expect them to have. So for instance, what if you come home one day and you’re just horny, you’re just ready to get it on. And your partner is kind of like I’m not really in the mood. So the type of desire that you have is spontaneous desire. That’s the type of desire to just pops up out of nowhere. Maybe you see something, maybe you’ve watched porn. Maybe you saw someone go by and it made you go, “I can not wait to get home to my partner and just rip their clothes off”. That’s spontaneous desire.

The second type of desire though, is called responsive desire and responsive desire is this. Let’s suppose you come home and you’re extremely horny your partner isn’t but you walk over to them and maybe you give them a kiss or you do something that they like kiss them on the neck, put your arms around them, give them a hug, even listen to whatever it is that it’s been going on for their day. And you start getting them in the mood. And suddenly they’re like, you know, I didn’t really want to do anything 15 minutes ago, but now I’m kind of feeling this person. So responsive desire is getting that person in the mood through something that they might enjoy, kissing, hugging, touching, whatever it is, and suddenly the desire is there.

So now that you know that there’s two types of desire, check out which one your partner is so that you know how to respond to that when it shows up and you know how to make sure that both of you are being pleased and feeling desired. If you have any questions, please let me know. You can go to my website, thegensexologist.com or ask it below and remember to subscribe to my video. I’ll see you next week. Bye.