Hi everyone. It’s Renee Yvonne, the Gen Sexologist, and I am here today to talk about something that I don’t think we talk about enough. And even though I’m the Gen Sexologist and I’m working with people who are 45 and up, and we’re going through a lot of changes in our bodies, we still aren’t talking about a lot of the things that are changes in our body. So today I want to talk about what happens to your vagina and vulva as you age. Now, this came up because a little while back I was at dinner at a birthday party, actually with a group of people. And I was sitting at the end of the table with some women who were in their sixties and up, and one of the women there, she was my age, actually. We started talking about our hair going gray. And I was like, yeah, every time I see a gray hair, I just pluck it out.
I know you’re not supposed to do that, but that’s what I do. Don’t judge me. I just pull it out. So she said, yeah, the thing that will get you though, is when you see gray hair down there. I went ” Are you serious? It gets gray down there?” She said, “oh yeah, girl. I saw one and I lasered everything. So I don’t have to see it anymore.” I was like, oh, well that seems drastic. But okay. And then we looked at the other women at the table who were 60 and up and they were all like, yeah, yeah, that’s true. It gets gray. And I’m thinking to myself, you mean all of you know this and no one is telling us this. We’re all just going to be surprised when they just looked down there and see gray hair. That’s just rude. Right? Just rude.
So I want to talk about the other things that can happen to that area as you get older. So number one, the hair, your pubic hair can go gray too.
It gets sparse. So sometimes the hair starts to fall out. And so you may see it as, not as bushy, if you will, as, as it once was because the hair will start to fall out.
The third thing that you will see are some libido changes. Now, some people think that as women get older, their libido lowers, and in some cases that can happen. It depends on a lot of factors, environmental, what you’re doing, physically, what you’re eating medication you’re on. If there’s illness or sickness, hormones, all of these things play a factor into them. But a lot of people find that as they age, their libido actually gets higher because for women, one of the things we’re not worried about anymore is getting pregnant.
So you’re like I could just have sex everywhere. Right. And so sometimes that’s the case too. You also have gotten more comfortable in your body, whatever it looks like you have kind of just accepted that this is who I am. And it’s so freeing from when you’re in your twenties when you’re always worried about like, how do I look? And you know, this isn’t perky. You hit 50, you’re like, okay, this is it. And so I’m naked. You naked. Okay, we’re going to do it. Right. Great. And you just go on with that. And so some of that is very freeing for us as we get older. So the libido is actually higher in that case. So the libido can go either way.
Another change that you will see is that as we get older, the estrogen levels can drop after menopause, which can leave your vagina drier.
And one of the things you can do, and I’ve talked about this in other videos, is that you can use lube. And lube, I think you should use lube anyway. I’m a big believer in lube. And so there’s several types of lubes you can use. You can check out my video where I talk about that, but I’ll talk very briefly about it. There’s a coconut oil based one called Woo love oil. This is great if you are using it with a partner because it’s, it’s very slick and moist like coconut oil. It has a slight vanilla taste. So if you’re doing any type of oral sex play, it also tastes decent. Not delicious. You’re not gonna be like, Ooh, this is great. But you know, it doesn’t taste bad. You also have water-based lube. Water based lube is great to use on silicone-based sex toys.
Also with a partner. The biggest difference here with a water-based lube is that in a water-based lube, you because our bodies are made up of water, it will absorb very quickly. So you’ll find out that it doesn’t stay as moist as it would with an oil-based or with the next one I’m going to show you, which is a silicone-based lube. So silicone, basically it was a little bit thicker. I mean, it looks like this one looks like water. This is called Uberlube. I really like Uberlube doesn’t have any taste to it. You cannot use these with silicone-based toys. It will dissolve the toy. It will start to break down the toy, but these are, this one is great for partner play because it stays moist and wet longer. So if you are, it keeps the friction down. So it keeps everything moving very smoothly. So these are three that you can try out if you are experiencing any type of vaginal dryness. So lube is a way to combat that.
This one, I think I’m on the fifth one. The fifth thing that can happen as we get older is pelvic floor weakens. And sometimes there’s a prolapse. So about 30 or 40% of women actually deal with prolapse. And that’s when the muscle, the pelvic floor, let me step back. The pelvic floor is designed to hold all of your organs in. That’s what it’s there for. As we get older or weight gain, all kinds of things happen. And when we’re not doing the muscle contractions, because you know what, no one tells us this until it’s almost too late. You hear people talking about kegels a lot more now, but when I was growing up, nobody talked about doing Kegel exercises ever.
So Kegel exercises help to strengthen that pelvic floor muscle and keep those organs in. Sometimes what happens though, is it weakens and you get what’s called prolapse. And that means the organs are starting to, it could be the uterus. It could be the bladder, or it could be sorry there’s a couple of others. I’m just blanking out right now, but that can happen. And if it gets really bad, you’ll have to have surgery to kind of strengthen that. And then the doctor will tell you, you need to do kegels. See how we could’ve prevented this if they just told me to do kegels before. So doing kegels helps. Now there’s a lot of controversy about what I’m getting ready to show you. And that’s okay. I’m going to talk about it from my perspective that it works for some people, they don’t want to try it.
And that’s okay too. I’m not here to force anything on you. I’m just here to educate you. So the first thing you could do, you could try, what’s called a Jade egg. You’ll hear a lot about this on shows like goop, which I have not watched yet, but I’m going to watch that because I’ve been hearing so much about it. But you can use, use this for this. So the Jade egg comes in different sizes. Often. There’s a large one, there’s a medium. And there’s a small one. Sometimes they come this one’s undrilled. That means that you’re going to have to put it in and push it out with your pelvic floor muscles. You can also get a drilled one. And the drilled one has a hole all the way through. You can put a cord through it like a hemp cord, and then you can pull it out when you’re ready to. This is designed to hold to help you strengthen those muscles. It’s similar to when you’re doing weights at the gym, it gives you something to resist against by holding this. Now the Jade egg is rather heavy. It will work your pelvic floor muscles. It will fall out. It will fall out into the toilet. It will fall out on the floor, like a chicken, just laying an egg. I tell you this because it’s happened to me, but I can tell you also that it does help to strengthen those pelvic floor muscles. Because as you keep practicing it, you’ll find that you can hold it in. When you get really good, you can put another one in and you can actually move them around. So it works. You go through the whole phase, it drops in the toilet, you know, fish it out, you know, clean it, put it in some, not boiling, but hot water to, to get it clean, start over.
Now, if you don’t want to do the Jade egg, because you’re thinking now, I don’t want to be picking things out of the toilet. And I completely understand that nor do I want to look like a chicken laying eggs. I get that too. You can try something like the We-Vibe. And these are these a Kegel balls as well. These, this is called the bloom. And this comes with, this is first of all it vibrates, which is nice. It has an app with it. So you can use the app to change the vibrations. It’s rechargeable. When you unscrew this, you’ll see there’s a little hole there and you can recharge it. And it comes with different weights. So this is the heaviest weight and it has two others. And you can start with the lightest weight and then move up to the heavier weight. Okay.
So you would just insert this. Then I would use a little bit of water based lube on this. You can insert this in. You can turn the vibrations on. If you like, have a nice little party during the day when people like, oh, she’s awfully happy. Yes, I am getting my kegels done as I use this. And and, and work those pelvic floor muscles. And you see it’s already two balls on here, so you can work those and tighten them around each one at different times. So those are two that you can try,
The last, but not least the seventh thing that can happen. I think I’m doing these numbers, right? It’s probably number six, but I don’t remember is shrinkage. And so what happens too when we get, as we age, what happens is our vagina tissue, vaginal tissue wall will get thinner and it becomes less elastic and it becomes more narrow.
And when that happens, it can make sex very painful. So if you have been with a partner for a while and your partner is suddenly like, you know, she doesn’t want to have sex with me, I don’t know what’s going on. Sometimes you don’t know what’s going on either, right? And that’s when a trip to the doctor is imperative. And so I try to tell guys this, like, sometimes we’re not just not having sex with you. Sometimes there’s really something going on and we don’t know what it is. And we’re seeking out doctors. And the doctors aren’t telling us that either. And sometimes doctors would just literally give you answers like, oh, this is what happens when you get older. No, that’s crap. There’s something that can be done about this. So for some people, what happens is it just hurts. It doesn’t feel good.
And the way actually to combat that is to actually have a very healthy sex life. So even though it’s painful using some lube. And even if you’re alone, you should do this. If you’re not partnered, you should still do this to keep everything nice and juicy, and moist. And so I’ll recommend a couple of toys. You all know, I love toys. I love to recommend them all the time, as much as I can. And I’ve done a show on this too, but very briefly, I’m going to show you two. There’s the We-Vibe Nova 2. This is by the same company that the Kegel balls I just showed you are, again, it has the app with it. It’s rechargeable as little recharging station here. You all know how I feel about rechargeable batteries. There’s nothing worse than being in the middle of, of any type of play.
And it just dies that that’s just a bad night for everybody. So rechargeable works in is great. This was awesome because it bends to fit your body. So if you, your G-spot is more forward, you can do it back. You can push it back this way. And this bends to fit your clitoris two. It has two different motors. So you can just have this one on or this one on or both, and it will do different vibrations for you. And this keeps everything going, right? Because as you orgasm, you get lubricated, it gets nice and juicy, and this is what you need in order to keep everything from not shrinking and from keeping things from narrowing down and making it more painful. The other thing you can use, I just got this one. I am in love with it. It’s called a We-Vibe Melt. I’d heard a lot of things about this as a clitoral vibrator.
I know I’ve shown you like a bunch of these clitoral vibrators, and I told you I’ve all of them. No, I, for real love this one, like, I really, really love it. You can orgasm in like two minutes with this. It’s pricey. It is worth it. And I’m going to just say that it’s just worth it. So this is a clitoral vibrator. So it’s only going to go on the clitoris but you can also use it on nipples if you like that. That’s the nice thing about, I think these kinds of vibrators that you can use it in multiple places, play around and see what feels good, but this is also a great vibrator to use. And also again, helps you to keep everything moist and juicy because that’s what you want to have in order to make sure that those, that lining doesn’t thin out so much, that it’s painful to you.
So having an active sex life is what keeps that from happening. So as that vulva and vagina ages, just like the rest of us, we can do some things to help keep it younger and to keep it healthy, to keep it vibrant. And so that you can continue to enjoy sex well into your nineties, your hundreds, however old you want to be. I want you to still be enjoying and having some type of pleasure from that. If you that’s, what you so desire, if you don’t then cool. But if you want to have that, there are ways to do that. And just show those to you today. So with that being said, I will be back next week with a new topic. And in the meantime, I want you to check out my website. I haven’t been really promoted as I’m at www.theGensexologist.com.
I teach a lot of different classes for Gen Xs and Baby Boomers. I teach about, how to give a woman oral sex. I talk about penis massage. I talk about vulva massage. I have a couples’ course. I do coaching. If you would like to do that, I talk about anal sex. So I have a lot of different courses that you can partake of. I do them virtually right now on zoom. They’re private classes. So it can just be you or you and your partner or partners that take this. You can get a group together if you want, and we can all do it on zoom, but it’s a lot of fun to do this. And it’s a great way to get sex education that you never got. Every time I teach, I do a class people walk away with like, wow, I didn’t know that that was a thing. I had no idea that this existed. And so, yes, I want to teach you new things. I want to share those things with you, because I want all of you to be having amazing orgasms and lots of pleasure, as long as you want to have that. So check out my classes, thegensexologist.com and I’ll see you next week. Bye.